Walking Through Grief
Grief is one of the most universal—and most deeply personal—experiences we face. It comes in many forms and happens more often than we think it does. And when it does hit, grief has a way of touching every part of us: emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
In counseling, I often sit with people in the midst of grief, and one truth becomes clear: grief is not something to fix, it’s something to walk through. And as Christians, we don’t walk through it alone.
What is Grief?
Grief is the emotional, mental, and even physical response to loss. While it’s most often associated with the death of a loved one, grief reaches far beyond that. It can arise from the end of a relationship, end of a job, major life transitions (e.g., graduation, becoming empty-nesters, retirement), the loss of health, a missed opportunity, or even the realization that life hasn’t turned out the way you had hoped.
At its core, grief is the natural response to losing something meaningful. It reflects the depth of our attachment, our love, and our expectations. That’s why grief can show up in many forms, and why it often takes time to process. Simply put, wherever there has been meaningful loss, grief is likely to follow. In his book Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, David Kessler stated it this way: “You don't have to experience grief, but you can only avoid it by avoiding love.”
In this blog, we’ll sometimes approach it from the loss of a loved one. But know that the methods and outlooks are applicable to all types of grief.
Grief Is Not a Problem to Solve
One of the biggest misconceptions about grief is that it follows a neat, predictable process. People often feel pressure to “move on,” “stay strong,” or “have more faith.” But grief doesn’t work that way. It comes in waves, sometimes unexpectedly, and often lingers longer than we think it should.
The best explanation I’ve heard of grief was from the pastor preparing for my mom’s funeral. He compared it to sitting at the beach right where the ocean waves come in to greet you. Sometimes they come in slow and steady, and sometimes they’re enough to knock you over. And you never know when those are about to hit you.
Even Scripture makes space for this. In Ecclesiastes 3:4, we’re reminded there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Grief has its own season, and it’s okay to be in it.
In counseling, part of the work is helping people give themselves permission to grieve honestly, without rushing the process or minimizing the pain. When you are in the season of grieving, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel or when to feel it. You are on your own timetable specific to you.
God Meets Us in Our Grief
One of the most powerful truths in Scripture is that God does not stand at a distance from our pain. He enters into it with us. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” That means in the moments when grief feels overwhelming—when the silence is loud, when the absence is heavy—God is not absent. He is near.
We see this most clearly in the life of Jesus. In John 11:35, at the tomb of Lazarus, we read the shortest verse in the Bible: “Jesus wept.” Jesus knew resurrection was coming! He knew the outcome. And still, He wept. That tells us something profound: grief is not a lack of faith, it is a reflection of love.
One of my favorite quotes on grief is from Jamie Anderson: “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
After a loss, it’s not like we’re going to change suddenly or drastically. We still love them. Their laughter. Their love. Their memories. Of course we will still love them! But now that love becomes a bit directionless, as if it’s outpouring from us but goes nowhere. In that context, grief makes sense, at least in the awareness it is something we could and should feel.
The Emotional Weight of Grief
Grief doesn’t just show up as sadness. It can bring: anger, confusion, guilt, anxiety, numbness. So many emotions! In the GriefShare workbook, it’s shown as a giant ball of yarn, with all those emotions intertwined. As much as you might try, you can never separate one from another.
In counseling, people are often surprised by what they feel. They may think, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “What’s wrong with me?” But grief is complex because love is complex. When we lose something or someone meaningful, our whole inner world has to adjust. That takes time.
This is where empathy—both from others and toward ourselves—is so important. Rather than judging your emotions, the invitation is to gently acknowledge them: “This is where I am right now.” That includes times of sadness, times of anger, and even times of joy and happiness. Give yourself permission to feel how you want to feel, and you won’t be dishonoring what you’re missing.
Carrying Grief Together
Grief was never meant to be carried alone. Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” If you’re grieving, finding someone (e.g., friends or family) to listen and be there for you can be huge. Allowing others into your pain, even in small ways, can be a step toward healing. And if you’re friend or family, please sit and listen to help them process everything at their speed and depth.
In counseling, one of the most healing experiences is simply being heard—having someone sit with you in your pain without trying to fix it or explain it away. That same principle applies in our relationships. Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can say to someone who is grieving is not advice, but presence:
“I’m here.”
“You’re not alone.”
“I care about you.”
Grief and Hope Can Coexist
As Christians, we hold a unique tension: we grieve, but we also have hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 reminds us that we do not grieve “as others do who have no hope.” This doesn’t mean we grieve less, it means grief is not the end of the story.
Hope doesn’t erase grief, but it anchors us within it. It reminds us that loss is real, but so is redemption. That sorrow is deep, but it is not final. We can anchor in the fact that someday, we will love our loved ones more than we grieve them. David Kessler described it this way: “The time will come when memory will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes”. And we will navigate that journey with the wherewithal that we are not alone, that God is there with us and for us.
In counseling, part of the journey is helping people hold both truths at the same time: This hurts deeply, and I am not without hope. That dichotomy allows us to feel and process everything now and in the future, knowing the latter will be a bit brighter, a bit better.
Practical Ways to Walk Through Grief
While there is no “formula” for grief, there are practices that can help:
Give yourself permission to feel. Don’t rush or suppress your emotions. Recognize their variety and allow yourself time and space to feel them.
Stay connected. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a counselor. It is so important to process this with someone else. You may not be ready for that right away, but in due time, find someone who listens and cares.
Create space to remember. Journaling, prayer, or meaningful rituals can help process loss. Again, find whatever works for you. Maybe it’s going for a walk, reminiscing with stories, or jotting down memories.
Take care of yourself. Grief is exhausting—rest, nutrition, and movement matter. Find your pace and avoid rushing back into things.
Bring your grief to God. Honest prayer, even when it’s messy, is a powerful form of healing. Keep the conversation going, even if it’s one-sided. God listens.
The Psalms are filled with raw, unfiltered expressions of grief along with hope and compassion. They remind us that God welcomes our honesty, not just our composure. Here are a few helpful examples:
“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” - Psalms 30:5b
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” - Psalms 147:3
“For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” - Psalm 16:10-11
A Closing Thought
Grief is one of the hardest journeys we walk, but it is also one of the places where God’s presence can become most real. If you are grieving today, know this:
Your pain is valid.
Your story matters.
You are not alone.
And if the weight feels too heavy to carry by yourself, counseling can be a safe space to process everything. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on.” Often, it means learning how to carry your loss with support, compassion, and hope. God meets us in our grief and over time, He gently leads us toward healing, and he also places other people in our lives to help walk that journey.