Radical Acceptance: Trusting God When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned
There are moments in life when we find ourselves standing in the wreckage of our own plans, wondering where things went so horribly wrong. Maybe it’s the loss of a relationship, an abrupt end to a job, a diagnosis we never expected, or a dream that just never materialized. We pray, we hope, we plan, and then, suddenly, everything shifts. The future we pictured vanishes, and we’re left asking, “What now?” This is where radical acceptance enters the story.
Radical acceptance isn’t resignation. It’s not giving up or pretending the pain doesn’t hurt. Acknowledging that is important. Instead, it’s a spiritual act of trust, choosing to accept what is, even when it breaks your heart. It’s the deep breath that says, “This isn’t what I wanted, but I believe God is still good.”
The Roots of Radical Acceptance
The term radical acceptance comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. She discovered that real healing begins when we stop fighting reality. In DBT, radical acceptance means acknowledging life exactly as it is, not as we wish it were, and releasing the internal struggle against what we cannot change. Linehan put it this way: “Pain plus non-acceptance equals suffering.”
In other words, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. While difficult experiences are a natural part of life, the emotional and mental suffering that follows is often a choice. When we fight against what’s already true, we exhaust ourselves and stay stuck. But when we accept it — fully, radically — we make room for peace.
Interestingly, this modern psychological insight echoes a timeless biblical truth: acceptance and peace come not through control, but through surrender. As believers, radical acceptance is deeply spiritual. It’s what happens when we release our grip on our own plans and say, “God, I trust You more than I trust my understanding.”
The Biblical Foundation of Acceptance
Scripture is full of people who practiced radical acceptance long before the term existed. Think of Job, who lost everything yet declared, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). Or Mary, who faced uncertainty and shame yet said, “Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). And Jesus, who prayed in Gethsemane, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
Their stories remind us that acceptance isn’t about apathy, it’s about trust. It’s the deep knowledge that even when we don’t understand what God is doing, He’s still working all things together for good (Romans 8:28). Our experiences are part of a larger divine plan, and we can be rest assured that God has control of that plan. Does that make life easy? Definitely not. But acceptance and trust are powerful tools to finding joy in life, even when things get hard.
My favorite explanation for this divine plan is there are two stories going on simultaneously: the lower story is ours, while the upper story is God’s. Psalm 46 illustrates this well. There’s a lot of bad stuff going on in this chapter, from fires to wars to kingdoms falling. But God’s voice provides much needed calm during the storm when He says, “Be still, and know that I am God” (v. 10). It’s reassuring to know that amongst our chaos, God’s broader plan is being fulfilled. Sometimes we need reminders.
When God Closes a Door
I’ve walked through seasons when my plans unraveled completely, when prayers seemed unanswered and silence filled the space where I wanted direction. Looking back, those were often the very seasons when God was quietly redirecting me toward something better, something I couldn’t yet see.
We tend to believe peace will come once everything goes our way. But true peace, the kind that “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7), often comes when we stop demanding answers and start resting in God’s presence. Sometimes the doors that close aren’t punishment, they’re protection.
Radical acceptance allows us to release control and whisper, “Lord, I don’t understand this, but I trust You anyway.” That’s where the healing begins.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." - Vivian Greene
The “Let Them” Theory: Releasing Control of Others
In her book and podcast, motivational teacher Mel Robbins popularized what she calls The Let Them Theory. It’s simple but freeing: let people be who they are. Let them go if they want to go. Let them choose differently. Let them misunderstand you. Let them live their story while you live yours. It sounds easy, but it’s deeply spiritual, and profoundly aligned with radical acceptance.
When we stop trying to control how others act, love us, or perceive us, we free ourselves from unnecessary suffering. We learn to say, “They’re choosing what they choose, and I’m choosing peace.”
In a biblical sense, this echoes God’s own example. He never forces our obedience or love. He gives us free will and still loves us perfectly. Practicing “let them” isn’t cold detachment, it’s compassionate surrender. It’s trusting that God is big enough to work in others’ lives without our interference.
When we practice the “Let Them” mindset, we’re saying, “Lord, I release them to You.” That’s where peace begins. Not in controlling outcomes, but in trusting God with what’s not ours to carry.
How to Practice Radical Acceptance
Acknowledge what is real - Stop fighting the facts of your situation. Name the loss. Feel the disappointment. Honesty is the first step toward healing. “The truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
Identify what you can and can’t control - The sooner you do this, the sooner you’ll find peace. The parts you can’t control in a situation are ripe for radical acceptance.
Let go of the “what ifs” - Obsessing over what could have been keeps us stuck in the past. Acceptance begins when we stop rewriting the story and start reading it with faith.
Anchor yourself in God’s promises - When life feels uncertain, return to what is always certain: God’s character. He is faithful. He is good. He never wastes pain.
Shift from control to surrender - Pray not for God to change the circumstance, but for Him to change your heart within it. Can change still happen? Absolutely. God has and will perform miracles. But be prepared for whatever is in His plan, not yours. Radical acceptance and the Let Them Theory both require us to trust that God is working even when we can’t see it.
Seek community and support - Healing happens in connection. DBT teaches that change and acceptance go hand in hand, and faith teaches the same. God often uses others (e.g., counselors, pastors, and friends) to help us carry what feels too heavy to bear alone.
Finding Grace in the Middle of the Story
Radical acceptance doesn’t erase pain, it redeems it. When we stop fighting what is, we make space for what can be. We begin to see that even in the hardest chapters, God’s grace is still writing the story.
Sometimes grace looks like peace in the middle of tears. Sometimes it looks like letting someone go. Sometimes it’s simply learning to rest in God’s timing instead of forcing our own. We don’t have to have it all figured out, we just have to trust that God does.
So if you’re in a season that looks nothing like what you expected, take heart. God is not finished with your story. The closed doors, the unanswered prayers, the unexpected turns — they’re not signs of abandonment. They’re invitations to trust.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re struggling to accept something that feels too heavy to carry alone, you don’t have to walk through it by yourself. I invite you to reach out for Christian counseling, a space to process your pain, explore healthy acceptance skills from DBT, and reconnect with hope rooted in faith. Healing often begins the moment we allow someone to walk beside us.
I would be honored to do that with you. I have immediate openings and welcome you to call for a free consultation. You can get to know me and contact me directly by clicking here.